Thursday, August 30, 2007

When a survey raises more questions than answers

An acquaintance of mine posted a survey to MySpace recently. Normally I pass over most surveys as they are trivial and mostly nonsense (to be perfectly honest, it depends on my mood), but her introduction caught my imagination:

“I would like to explain that I developed this survey because I am tired of the typical Surveys that ask questions like ‘Have you ever gotten drunk before?’ or ‘When is the last time you kissed someone?’ I have failed to see a MySpace survey that is in the slightest bit adult. The ones that are not totally childish seem to be geared towards people tooting their own horns or trying to sound witty.

“I want to know how many of my friends are in the same boat as me. I did not make this survey easy. In fact, you will probably be offended by most of the questions. I am curious about how people are living. In the Real sense.

“Please repost this. If you are so shy that you could not possibly be real to your ‘MySpace’ friends then and only then send to me only. I look forward to your answers:)”


I glanced over the questions and thought it would be interesting to fill out taking the time to really think about what she was asking. As I was going through it, an interesting thought came to me. Being that she was the person who formulated the content of the survey in the first place, one could assume from the questions that this is a very bitter, unhappy woman. It seeps through in the words and phrases that she chooses, e.g. “Do you feel that you are just Surviving every day” and “What makes you want to wake up in the morning and Not want to kill people.”

Either that, or she wrote this survey with intent. That is to say, many of the questions are rather pointed about the behavior of others and, to me, carry the air of someone who already assumes something about the respondent and wants to be proven right.

Her open reply to everyone who took the survey fairly confirms the second assertion for me: “I just want to say ‘Thanks’ to everyone that filled this out. I felt like I cleaned house a little bit with this moody survey.”

She did, in fact, fill out her own survey and I have to admit that many of her responses don’t sound genuine to me. Then again I haven’t been around her much in the past two years so how am I to know for sure. I find it difficult to believe that someone who says that they are, “too hippy-like and happy to be miserable” replies to the question, “Is getting drunk the only way that you have fun at clubs?” with “Well, considering I have been on a steady diet of Tequila and Cigarettes... Pretty much.” There’s a cognitive dissonance going on there that I’m not sure she’s aware of.


Here is the survey and my answers:

1. Are you Miserable?
Not in the least. Are there things I might like to change about my life? Sure. But that’s human nature. For myself, I live comfortably, if close to the bone, but generally I am content.

2. Do you feel that you are just Surviving every day?
Not at all. If you aren’t working towards something, whether it be as simple as redecorating your home to writing your ‘War and Peace’, then you are just stagnant. I have my personal projects and aspirations that I work towards bit by bit, day by day.

3. Does anything make you happy?
Many little things every day make me happy. I enjoy spending evenings and afternoons writing, when I can. Discourse with friends that I have made all over the world from Tasmania to the U.K. I’m happy getting out and walking everyday to and from work and for errands. It allows me to see people on the street and say hi instead of breezily passing them entombed in a car.

4. Are you o.k. to be alone?
I get uncomfortable and annoyed if I don’t get enough time alone in a day. I enjoy the company of others but I value time alone to collect my thoughts or take in a book or write.

5. Name three things you hate about yourself?
I am easily distracted. I would really love to lose that last ten pounds I have in mind (I’ve already managed to drop 20). It would be nice to give up smoking as well.

6. Name three things that you like about yourself?
I am very good at working out solutions to problems. I am very loyal to those that I care about. I am an autodidact.

7. Do you complain.... all the time?
Not anymore. I used to all the time. I’ve realized that most of those things that I complained about fell into one of two categories: Things that did not affect me/weren’t my responsibility or things that I could actually change if I just shut up and did something about it. When something like that comes up I ask myself “Does this affect me? Is this worth getting upset about?” Most of the time it’s not worth getting upset about and a waste of time for both me and whomever I’m whining to.

8. Is getting drunk the only way that you have fun at clubs?
I don’t find clubs to be fun anymore. It got to the point that I did have to be drunk to have fun there. Although I have some fond memories and I know that there are things that I miss, I find the club scene saddening.

9. How many close friends do you have? And who are they?
This is a loaded question. I wouldn’t quantify or make a qualitative judgment on my friends. My brother is certainly the closest friend that I have, mostly because of our familial relationship. Beyond that, there are friends that I have known for 32 years all the way to something like 10 years or less. I’m still in contact with all of them and they are very dear to me. There are others that I’ve only known a year or more that value their opinions and friendship. So, I’ll sidestep making a list and leave it to them to know of whom I’m speaking.

10. Do you trust anyone?
Yes. There is a small group of people that I would trust with my life. They’ve always been there for me. Surprisingly, some of them are outside of the group of “close friends” I referred to above.

11. Is there something that you have said in the last week that you regret?
No, not really. While everyone is prone to the occasional faux pas, I try to choose my words, inflection and tone carefully. Better to be silent and thought a wise man than speak and prove yourself a fool.

12. Have you cried this week? If yes, Why?
Yes while watching a documentary on alcoholism and intervention. It made me think of my late mother.

13. Does anything bring you joy?
Didn’t we already cover this with “Does anything make you happy?” I’ll assume that something “making me happy” means something that I enjoy doing. I’ll define something “bringing me joy” as anything that I find uplifting for my soul. It’s the smallest things that force me to smile. Just last Sunday I was at the Laundromat and there was a father with his wheelchair-bound teenage daughter and he was making her giggle and hide her face in her book because he was tickling her. My niece’s giggle. Giving directions to someone on the street who is lost. The authenticity and humanity of these moments fill me with joy.

14. Do you use sex as a tool?
You far overrate my attractiveness if you think I even have the opportunity to use sex as anything, much less a tool. I have always viewed sex as fun. Whether it’s in a romantic relationship or just between friends, sex should be relaxing and sensual. The only goal should be enjoying each other with no ulterior motives.

15. Does it make you happy when others are in pain?
Quite the opposite in fact. I try to take on or take away others’ pain if I can. I can help in any way I try to although I find that I’m somewhat ham-handed at knowing what to do I many cases.

16. Have you ever consciously hurt another human being? Why?
Not that I can remember. I don’t even recall ever having thrown a punch in my lifetime. (Fights with my brother don’t count). ☺

17. Do you find yourself repeating relationships? i.e. Dating or befriending the same kinds of people over and over.
The women that I have been attracted to and dated have all been pretty distinctive from each other. I have made the same mistakes in past relationships, but as I haven’t been serious with anyone in over 10 years I’d like to think that I’m over those immature foibles. As for friends, I can see some common threads. The same traits can actually bind us closer together or, in many cases, ended up driving us apart.

18. What sort of self-destructive behavior do you have?
I have a strong tendency to always being the contrarian. I like to do the opposite of what I’m told or expected to do. Putting myself in the position of being the Black Sheep in my family did nothing but mess up my life for the longest time and leave me with a smoking addiction, two D.U.I.s and a jail record.

19. What are your short-term goals?
Uh, finish this quiz? Okay, seriously. I want to finish two stories that I’m working on. I’d like to lose those extra 10 lbs. I mentioned before. I’d also like to read ‘Screenplay’ by Syd Field (at Mikey’s insistence) and get back to drawing and maybe painting.

20. What are your long-term goals?
Publish my graphic novel. Write a prose novel and have it published. To own a home, invest in a Roth IRA and settle down in a long-term relationship (not necessarily marriage).

21. What makes you want to wake up in the morning and Not want to kill people?
I don’t generally want to kill people. If they are vile or just plain stupid, I just feel sorry for them. I try to treat every morning as if something unexpected, strange and new might happen. Sometimes it actually does.

22. Name something that made you smile today?
Joking around with Mikey.

23. Are you constantly running away from your problems?
No. I like to face my problems, put them in a headlock, wrestle them to the ground and then rub their face in the dirt.

24. When was the last time you did something selfless?
I open doors for people, pick up things they drop or help them out every day. I guess the last big selfless thing I did was to ship some comic books to a friend in Tasmania that I’ve never actually met in person for his birthday.

25. When was the last time that you told the person closest to you that you love them?
Saturday two weeks ago. And then I poked his nose and said “Boop.” You had to be there.

26. Do you feel in touch with your emotions?
I’m so much in touch with my emotions they’ve filed a complaint with ACS.

27. Are you socially inept?
I think I’m pretty deft socially, when I’m not drinking that is. I can get along with just about anyone. If I don’t get along with someone it’s because I just don’t like that person and don’t consider it worth my time or effort. Of course, I may just be daft socially and completely oblivious to it. Other people can answer this about me better than I can myself.

28. Do you hurt the ones you love the most?
Only through carelessness and ignorance if I do. Never on purpose. What would be the point of that?

29. Do you find yourself making excuses for your poor behavior all the time?
No. I’ve got a lot of poor behavior in my past that I could certainly try to excuse away, but since I was 15 years old and first read ‘The Stranger’ by Albert Camus I’ve always believed that you have to take responsibility for your own actions, good or bad. To my memory, I’ve never excused away poor behavior, just apologized for it.

30. If one thing could make you happy what would it be?
To be in love.

31. If you were stranded on an island and you could pick one person to be there with you... Who would it be?
My best friend Patrick. We can have a great time hanging out talking or just sitting in the same room quietly doing our own thing without interacting.

32. Do you feel rejected? If yes, by whom?
Oh geez, how long can I make this list? How about the girl who turned me down by saying, “You’re nice guy. I don’t date nice guys.” Or “I don’t think of you that way,” Or “I’m a lesbian, but if I were straight…” Or the girl I went out with a couple of times and then introduced me to her new boyfriend at a club the next week. Or the one who was talking with me at the bar and then leaned across me to hit on the stranger on the stool behind me. Or the one I took out on a second date to a club and spent the entire night making out with some guy she just met and then begged a ride home from me. I could go on.

33. Are you so consumed by your own issues/depression that you don't see the people around you?
I am acutely aware of the people around me. I try to evaluate what I say and to whom and gauge other’s moods and emotions. In general, I try to practice pro-social behavior whenever possible.

34. Do you feel the world owes you?
I get out of life what I put in to it. If I don’t put in the hard work, then there’s no reward to reap. It’s the Puritan work ethic and Catholic guilt at work there. People who feel entitled have an over-inflated sense of self-worth.

35. Do you depend on others for monetary or emotional support?
I lean on my friends and family at times and I have a therapist that I see once a week. I guess you could say that’s my emotional support, but I think everyone needs that. No one can or should exist in an emotional vacuum. Financially, I pay my own way. I hate to beg, borrow or steal. I’d rather go without than ask for any fiduciary help.

36. How would you change your life, if you could?
I would spend less time at work and have a studio area that I can use for writing and artwork.

37. Is winning the lotto the only way for you to get rich quick?
Or an inheritance.

38. Can you envision yourself as an elderly person? If so, how would your life be?
Yes, I don’t think it’s much of a stretch. Judging by my dad, I’ll still be active and youthful-looking at 70. Of course, judging from my grandfathers, I could just as easily die in my forties from a heart attack or cancer. It’s a crapshoot.

39. Do you find yourself constantly blaming others for your faults?
My faults are mine to own and work on fixing. You have to take responsibility for yourself before you can do that. If you blame others for your fault, you cede power over to them for your life and that idea is anathema to me.

40. Do you have challenges with yourself that you fail to do anything about?
Not sure what you mean by this.

41. Can you imagine your spawn?
Like the guy with the big red cape, hood and all those chains? He’d be a short one, probably blond. That’d also describe my kid, too, if I ever had one, but I don’t really plan on that ever happening.

42. Who is the last person that broke your heart?
The latest, though not greatest, heartbreak would be the woman who I went out with a couple of times and then introduced me to her new boyfriend at a club the next week. I really thought there might have been something good there.

So, there you go. Feel free to steal this one and answer it yourself, if you're so inclined.

1 comment:

Al said...

No shit Sherlock that she's one unhappy motherfucker!
Question 21!
Blimey.