Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Notes from the Bus Stop

As I walked up to the corner of Rosecrans Avenue and Aviation Boulevard, I saw one of those hired sign-wavers. You know the ones; they're hired by quick-stop lube and oil places or crass realtors to stand on the side of the street and flip and turn some ridiculous sign advertising deals, Deals, DEALS! This one carried a key-shaped sign that read "The Key to Fine Living!" for a new condo complex just down the street.

He was a big one. A Chunky boy. Two bucks fifty at least. Maybe more like 300. So I made eye contact and nod my hello as is my habit when I'm walking. As usual, I had my headphones on and this generally limits the interaction to a nod and a smile. As luck would have it, that wasn't the end of it. Bad luck, that is.

"Hey, buddy!" he called out as I tried to scoot by on the sidewalk.

I popped out one of my earphones.

"Yes?"

Then he launched into this spiel.

"I'm trying to get a new law passed. I'm starting a petition –"

He started shuffling with the sign and I saw some folded pages behind it. I cringed thinking that I'm about to be asked to sign on to some list. Then I saw that he had a sizeable hardback book that he's holding and reading while working.

"Yeah, I want to make it so the government will start a program that'll get guys to workout. You know, get exercise. At the gym or whatever. So everybody can look like that –"

He points to a copy of Muscle and Fitness magazine lying on the grass nearby. The bodybuilder on the cover is in ridiculously good shape. Six pack abs and zero percent body fat.

"It'll all be taken care of. People will come and pick you up, drive you to the gym. There'll be trainers and people to work out wit with you. Then they'll drive you home after it's done. And the whole thing will be subsidized by the government.

"I mean, who wouldn't want to look like that. Who wouldn't want to be able to walk around all the time with their shirt off? You'd look good and feel good about yourself. And healthy. Women would be more attracted to you and you'd probably get laid more!"

I just smiled a big smile as I took a step back.

"Sounds like a great idea. Good luck with that!"

With another smile and a wave I continued walking to the bus stop and he went back to flipping the sign.

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