Monday, July 23, 2007

People are fake.

Today has NOT been a good day. Actually, it hasn't been a great week to tell you the truth, but today has left me feeling... Well, I'm not sure how I feel. Numb. More than a little pissed off. Depressed. Betrayed. God, that sounds so histrionic.

There's this woman that I worked with. I've known her for about 3 years now as a co-worker. She's smart, sardonic, artsy, left wing, etc. I have a lot of respect for her and really like her [Not that way. She's married]. I've always considered her a friend. She's the only person in the Studio that I bought a Christmas present for. I've also picked up little things over time that I thought she might like, as I do with many of my friends.

However, I've noticed over the past few months that she's become more distant, almost resentful. There hasn't been anything I could point to and say, "This is when it started." She just puts in her earphones and when I do try and talk to her gives me this look as if to say why are you bothering me. She also spends a lot of time away from her desk, which is next to mine, talking to people on the other side of the Studio.

Personally, I chalked it up to the way people's natures wax and wane. I've occasionally asked other friends in the Studio if she's mad at me for something and they've all said not that they know of. She's certainly never said anything to me about it.

I am friendly with my co-workers. If I've got nothing to do I'll ask anyone if they need help on anything. I regularly take out the trash if it's full. I'll ask how they want this file prepared, where they want another file saved, if they prefer something done a certain way that makes it easier for them. I'm no angel, of course, but I make an effort to smooth the pavement for everyone.

Well, last week, on Wednesday, we're at lunch and I'm sitting next to her. I turned to her and said, "Hey, thanks a lot for doing that capabilities page yesterday." [Don't worry about what that means, it's not central to the plot.]

She sarcastically says, "Yeah, right."

So I say, "No, no, I'm serious. Thanks."

She replies, turning away dismissively, "Uh huh."

I had just had it. I said, "Fine, I'll never thank you for anything again, then."

Not the most adult approach, I'll admit, but I was fed up. I talked with my brother/boss about it later in the evening and he tells me that she has confided in him that, "Sometimes Scott says stuff that pisses me off."

What stuff? No idea. She didn't tell him. Nor has she ever said anything to me about it.

I have no idea what to do with this information. I can't stop saying whatever it is because I have no idea WHAT it is. I can't modify my behavior to be more amenable because I don't know what causes the friction in the first place. So, in the face of a complete lack of knowledge, I figured I would just reserve any conversation with her to work-related items, as necessary.

As a result, I've only had two occasions to talk to her since then, both of which included our project manager. So now she has decided that I'm not talking to her at all, I'm only talking to and through our project manager and that I'm being petty and hurting the workflow. She complained to our project manager and asked my brother/boss to have a talk with me. Seriously.

Stephen [brother] and I had a talk about it and I expressed my frustration at the whole situation. She gets upset at things that I've said, but doesn't tell anyone what those things are [work-related or personal?] and now complains that I'm not talking to her at all. In the midst of this, Stephen told me she said that I say things that hurt her feelings. Also that she's been resentful of me for a long time now. So much so that when I ask if she needs help on anything she says "No" automatically just out of spite.

And I had no idea.

This person who I thought was a good friend, who I have a heck of a lot of respect for, can't stand me. It completely pulled the rug out from underneath me.

I'm running it over in my mind to figure out what I've done or said that made the train go so far off the rails. How could I have been so blind to her anger, or is she just a really, really good actress.

Poor Stephen, all he wants is for us all to get along and for the Studio to be a pleasant place to work. But honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about her going forward. Not very kindly right now. I've got this knot of negative emotions sitting in my gut like a rock.

Meh. People suck.

1 comment:

Al said...

The indirect approach the majority of folks have to disagreements (or praise for that matter) pisses me off.
If I've done something to put your nose out of joint ~ tell me.
If I've done something that you think was pretty fab tell me too!
I think it's time you and your workmate had a quiet minute to clear up what's happened. If she knew how it's bothering you, and how you want to rectify whatever misdeed you've done, then I'd hope that she would be strong enough to be civil.